Sacrifice and Perspective

My last two blogs have reflected the wonderment of being a mother . . . the magic, the love, and yes, even the work. Only by being a mother myself, have I been able to realize the pure sacrifice, and the cost of such, that mothers give. You see, my own mother knew she was fighting lung cancer for a month without telling anyone except my dad . .. all in the name of sacrifice. I was preggo with my dear Park-man and she desired to protect me even in the midst of her own hurt and pain. 6 years later, her strength and resolve still amaze me.

However, that sacrifice was nothing new to my mom. She spent my entire life sacrificing so my brothers and I (my sisters were pretty much grown at that point) could go and do. Only recently have I realized the extent of the sacrifices she made just coming to our basketball, softball, and baseball games alone, (boy, that takes more energy then I ever knew) not to mention all the other sacrifices one makes when raising children.

My momma's final sacrifice (although it has caused me much guilt) was dying alone. She had a brief time span of 10 mins between the time my sister left her and I arrived home . . . it was in this time that she made her way to heaven on this day six years ago. My sister told me later that she felt much like mom was wanting her to leave. Only a mother would sacrifice her own comfort, peace, and security to protect her children.

Sometimes I look back at those days and wonder how I made it to this point, six years later. My mother was my world . . . my greatest fear had always been that something would happen to her. As a child, my sleep was often plagued with nightmares in which something bad would happen to her. I still remember those nightmares today.

But today, I also finally realize that what was my worst nightmare come true, was my momma's sweet, relished fate. For although I lost my mom, she gained the pure joy of meeting Jesus and being held by her own mother. See, I didn't mention earlier that she received her biopsy results the day of her mother's memorial service . . . this is just one of the reasons her strength and resolve amaze me . . . I am so proud to be her daughter. And I can't think of any better healing for a broken heart and weary body than being held by Jesus and her momma.

While I won't deny that I shed a few sad tears today,with my new-found perspective, I was able to celebrate my momma's glorious arrival in heaven 6 years ago. As the rain came today, just like on all the days I've needed her since she left this earth, I watched my children dance and play in it and whispered my thanks to the heavens above, not just for my amazing mother, but also for the gifts of sacrifice and perspective. Like the name of a candle a dear friend gave me today, she truly is a "Bird In Paradise" now.

Forever your sunshine . . . I will always love you mom!