July 30 . . . 7 years . . .
7 years it's been . . . yet I remember when getting through just one day seemed too hard
7 years of being a mom . . . yet not having one of my own
7 years of needing you . . . yet a host of angel friends to fill the void left behind
7 years since my babies had their "Gram" . . . yet still they "know" you
7 years since I've been wrapped in your hug . . . yet I feel your arms around me each time it rains
7 years since I've heard your voice . . . yet I hear it everyday echoing in the words I speak
7 years since you walked this earth . . . now you dance with angels
7 years without you . . . but a lifetime of love you left behind.
7 years you have called heaven home . . . but your love, your laughter, and your spirit live on forever.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sweet Summertime!
Man, how sweet summer is! We have had a busy summer . . . well sort of. We've enjoyed lots of time at the waterpark or swimming with friends. Our big vacation this summer was to Orlando, where Peyton competed in AAU Gymnastics Age-Level Nationals and we went to the most magical place on earth (Disney).
Once again, my baby's hard work paid off as she won 1st All-Around, 1st on vault, 2nd on bars and floor, and 3rd on beam! I am so proud of how hard she works and the dedication she has for the sport that she loves!
Disney was great . . . if you ask Peyton and me. We loved it, Parker liked it, Preston tolerated it, and Jerry was done after the first day! Ha ha I was super impressed with my daredevil daughter who rode every ride! Aerosmith was a bit much for me (I spent half the ride with my eyes closed and even braved breaking the rules to reach over and "reassure" Peyt halfway through only to have her say "Mom, that was awesome. I want to do it again" as soon as the ride slowed down! Since when did she become so grown up and brave?
In the last two weeks, Peyton and Parker celebrated their birthdays! I can't believe my kiddos are 9 and 7 (and Preston is 4). It seems like yesterday that they toddled around and drank from sippy cups and had sweet little hands that reached for mine. Now they run through the house like bulls in a china shops, mix crazy soda concoctions at McDs, and although their hands still reach for mine, they aren't such little ones anymore.
This coming week, Peyton and I will be going to FlipFest gymnastics camp for a week while leaving the 3 "boys" to run the roost . . . this should be interesting! I'm so looking forward to a great time with my girl, but am a little worried about the fellas surviving without us! I'm sure there will be many stories to tell!
FlipFest will be the end of our summer fun as I'll have to start getting my classroom ready and our sweet summertime will start winding down . . . makes me so so sad to know my time with my kiddos everyday is coming to an end. Sweet, bittersweet, summertime it is!
Once again, my baby's hard work paid off as she won 1st All-Around, 1st on vault, 2nd on bars and floor, and 3rd on beam! I am so proud of how hard she works and the dedication she has for the sport that she loves!
Disney was great . . . if you ask Peyton and me. We loved it, Parker liked it, Preston tolerated it, and Jerry was done after the first day! Ha ha I was super impressed with my daredevil daughter who rode every ride! Aerosmith was a bit much for me (I spent half the ride with my eyes closed and even braved breaking the rules to reach over and "reassure" Peyt halfway through only to have her say "Mom, that was awesome. I want to do it again" as soon as the ride slowed down! Since when did she become so grown up and brave?
In the last two weeks, Peyton and Parker celebrated their birthdays! I can't believe my kiddos are 9 and 7 (and Preston is 4). It seems like yesterday that they toddled around and drank from sippy cups and had sweet little hands that reached for mine. Now they run through the house like bulls in a china shops, mix crazy soda concoctions at McDs, and although their hands still reach for mine, they aren't such little ones anymore.
This coming week, Peyton and I will be going to FlipFest gymnastics camp for a week while leaving the 3 "boys" to run the roost . . . this should be interesting! I'm so looking forward to a great time with my girl, but am a little worried about the fellas surviving without us! I'm sure there will be many stories to tell!
FlipFest will be the end of our summer fun as I'll have to start getting my classroom ready and our sweet summertime will start winding down . . . makes me so so sad to know my time with my kiddos everyday is coming to an end. Sweet, bittersweet, summertime it is!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Only a piece of the puzzle . . .
I found this online a year or two ago and have saved it to serve as a reminder to me that all events in our lives have a purpose . . . whether we understand their purpose at that time or not, they will in someway, change us or shape us as we continue our journey. I know this is long but I promise, it is SO worth your time to read it and think about your own puzzle. :)
***********************************
Only a piece of the puzzle…
***********************************
Only a piece of the puzzle…
Did you ever watch a child put a jigsaw puzzle together? What’s the first thing that they do after dumping the pieces from the box? Come on, you remember don’t you? They’ll look at the picture on the front of the box so they know what the finished product will look like, right?
We’ve all heard about the importance of focus and keeping our eye on the end goal in order to get there. But how many times do we focus on just the piece that we happened to pick up that day rather than focusing on the photo on the front of the box?
I believe that life is just like that jigsaw puzzle. There are a lot of pieces and sometimes we’re looking at just one piece and we think we know what the entire puzzle “should” look like. Or, we’re looking at a piece saying, “No, this isn’t my piece. This belongs in another box.” We pick up an orange piece and think to ourselves something like, “If this is a picture of the ocean, then how can there be an orange piece in this puzzle? The ocean is blue. This isn’t mine!”, when we know that it is. We focus on the orange piece and lose sight of the big picture, in this case, of a beautiful sea scape, ah… with a gorgeous sailboat with yes, you guessed it, a sail with an orange stripe. Why do we sometimes have to see the end before we have faith that the pieces will fit and actually belong in our puzzle?
It’s only when we can see the entire picture that we realize that all of the pieces are not only indeed ours, but all of the pieces play in important role in making the entire picture complete- and beautiful. It’s fairly useless to look at just one piece and try to predict what the entire picture will look like, but how many times do we do that with our lives?
We’ll look at one circumstance and very quickly lose sight of the big picture that we were creating, only to focus on that one tiny piece and question why it’s in our box in the first place!
I believe that as the pieces of our puzzle show up in our individual lives, it’s important to remind ourselves to look at the picture on the front of the box! Keep the big picture firmly in your mind and in your consciousness. See it. Dream it. Feel it. Be that picture! Don’t try to second-guess if the puzzle piece should or shouldn’t be in your life. Trust that it’s there for a reason even if you can’t see it in this moment. When the puzzle is complete, then and sometimes only then, are you able to look back at those individual pieces, especially the ones with the tricky edges and odd shapes that were so difficult to fit in, and know that they too were necessary to complete the entire beautiful picture.
That nasty divorce that allowed you to find the new relationship, getting fired from your job to make way for a better one, and perhaps even the car accident that created unwanted circumstances in your life where you can’t yet see the benefit- all are pieces of the puzzle. All have a place in the grand scheme of things, even if you can’t yet see how they fit.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Heaven "Scent"
Just when I think I've made it through every milestone one can endure after losing a loved one, I'm unexpectantly sent another one . . . one my heart was so not prepared for. As the years have passed, it's been harder to remember the sound of my momma's voice . . . the feel of her arms as she would hug me . . . the sound of her voice . . . the way she smelled.
When I came home tonight, I knew my shirt would probably smell like smoke and need to go to the laundry . . . for some reason, I decided to smell it. And in that instant, before I even knew they had formed, the tears were running down my cheeks. In that instant, I could smell my sweet momma so clearly . . . as I held my shirt in my hands, it was like I was holding her, like she was right there with me. In nearly seven years, I have never experienced that. In that moment, my heart was so full . . . I felt sweet, sweet joy. For a split second, I felt whole again.
And as suddenly as it was there, it was gone again. But the tears still fall . . . my patched up heart needing to be mended again. Yet, I wouldn't trade that minute for anything . . . that minute given to me by God to feel my Momma with me. . . oh how bittersweet.
Thank you God for the smallest, simplest gifts that are heaven "scent".
*************
Edited to add: My apologies for yet another blog about my momma . . . this moment was one I don't want to ever forget and so I write . . . :)
When I came home tonight, I knew my shirt would probably smell like smoke and need to go to the laundry . . . for some reason, I decided to smell it. And in that instant, before I even knew they had formed, the tears were running down my cheeks. In that instant, I could smell my sweet momma so clearly . . . as I held my shirt in my hands, it was like I was holding her, like she was right there with me. In nearly seven years, I have never experienced that. In that moment, my heart was so full . . . I felt sweet, sweet joy. For a split second, I felt whole again.
And as suddenly as it was there, it was gone again. But the tears still fall . . . my patched up heart needing to be mended again. Yet, I wouldn't trade that minute for anything . . . that minute given to me by God to feel my Momma with me. . . oh how bittersweet.
Thank you God for the smallest, simplest gifts that are heaven "scent".
*************
Edited to add: My apologies for yet another blog about my momma . . . this moment was one I don't want to ever forget and so I write . . . :)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
A letter sent to heaven
Dear Mom,
Today is your 7th birthday in heaven. It's so hard to believe that I've lived nearly 7 years without you . . . without hearing your infamous "Good morning, Sunshine", without going to a yard sale with you, without eating your amazing pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, without sharing so many stories about your grandbabies with you. There's so many things I wish you could be a part of, but even though I know you can't be here with us physically, the rain always comes and so I know you are never as far away as it feels.
Oh, how I wish you were here to see these grandbabies of yours. I'm pretty sure they would have you wrapped around their finger (you know like the time you drove circles in the parking lot with Peyton when she was a baby so she wouldn't cry -even though you never did that with any of your own 8 kiddos). I wish you could see Peyton doing her beloved gymnastics. She is so dedicated and so focused-I know you would be her #1 fan (next to her momma and daddy). Parker has grown into quite the little jokester who loves animals of any kind. He would certainly be your bird watching pal! And then there's Preston . . . sweet Preston who you never got to meet . . . he is my devil child whom I know would make you laugh so hard. You would never believe some of his antics, like just last week when he stacked a dining chair and two little kid chairs to make stair steps to reach the vitamins on top of the fridge.
Mostly, Mom, I just want you to know how blessed I feel to have had you as my momma. In the years since you went to heaven, I've realized just how different we were. Not every daughter has a mom she could count on to save her wedding cake from crashing before the reception ever started, nor a mom she could call at 4 in the morning because her firstborn is running a 103 fever. Not every daughter talks to her mom daily on the phone . . . oh how many times I picked up that phone to call you in the months after you died before I realized it wouldn't be your voice I heard on the other end of the line.
As I raise these kiddos of my own, I realize so much more then I ever knew about you. Thank you for loving me when at times I know I didn't deserve it. Thank you for always making me a priority. Thank you for running me everywhere and making sure I had everything I needed. Thank you for making and standing by those choices that I know I challenged (like the not getting to date until I was 16) because even then I didn't think so back then; Momma really does know best. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a good person-to work hard, to think of others first, to never give up on what your heart wants. Everything I am today is because of what you taught me.
For what it's worth, I spent months blaming myself for not getting home soon enough to save you, to spend just one more minute here on this earth with you, to tell you just one more time how very much I love and adore you. I still have the cans of tomato soup you asked for that day . . . it made the move from the little house to the new one 5 years ago. I guess it serves as a reminder that although I failed to help you that day, I didn't totally fail as your daughter. I hope you felt my love as you made your way to Jesus' arms that day and that you continue to feel it everyday. Thank you for sending the rain as a constant reminder that you are here with me . . . I can never explain the peace that comes during those moments. I love you and miss you so so much, but know I will see your face and hear "Good Morning, Sunshine" as you wrap me in your loving arms again one day in heaven.
Forever your sunshine,
Kel
Today is your 7th birthday in heaven. It's so hard to believe that I've lived nearly 7 years without you . . . without hearing your infamous "Good morning, Sunshine", without going to a yard sale with you, without eating your amazing pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, without sharing so many stories about your grandbabies with you. There's so many things I wish you could be a part of, but even though I know you can't be here with us physically, the rain always comes and so I know you are never as far away as it feels.
Oh, how I wish you were here to see these grandbabies of yours. I'm pretty sure they would have you wrapped around their finger (you know like the time you drove circles in the parking lot with Peyton when she was a baby so she wouldn't cry -even though you never did that with any of your own 8 kiddos). I wish you could see Peyton doing her beloved gymnastics. She is so dedicated and so focused-I know you would be her #1 fan (next to her momma and daddy). Parker has grown into quite the little jokester who loves animals of any kind. He would certainly be your bird watching pal! And then there's Preston . . . sweet Preston who you never got to meet . . . he is my devil child whom I know would make you laugh so hard. You would never believe some of his antics, like just last week when he stacked a dining chair and two little kid chairs to make stair steps to reach the vitamins on top of the fridge.
Mostly, Mom, I just want you to know how blessed I feel to have had you as my momma. In the years since you went to heaven, I've realized just how different we were. Not every daughter has a mom she could count on to save her wedding cake from crashing before the reception ever started, nor a mom she could call at 4 in the morning because her firstborn is running a 103 fever. Not every daughter talks to her mom daily on the phone . . . oh how many times I picked up that phone to call you in the months after you died before I realized it wouldn't be your voice I heard on the other end of the line.
As I raise these kiddos of my own, I realize so much more then I ever knew about you. Thank you for loving me when at times I know I didn't deserve it. Thank you for always making me a priority. Thank you for running me everywhere and making sure I had everything I needed. Thank you for making and standing by those choices that I know I challenged (like the not getting to date until I was 16) because even then I didn't think so back then; Momma really does know best. Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a good person-to work hard, to think of others first, to never give up on what your heart wants. Everything I am today is because of what you taught me.
For what it's worth, I spent months blaming myself for not getting home soon enough to save you, to spend just one more minute here on this earth with you, to tell you just one more time how very much I love and adore you. I still have the cans of tomato soup you asked for that day . . . it made the move from the little house to the new one 5 years ago. I guess it serves as a reminder that although I failed to help you that day, I didn't totally fail as your daughter. I hope you felt my love as you made your way to Jesus' arms that day and that you continue to feel it everyday. Thank you for sending the rain as a constant reminder that you are here with me . . . I can never explain the peace that comes during those moments. I love you and miss you so so much, but know I will see your face and hear "Good Morning, Sunshine" as you wrap me in your loving arms again one day in heaven.
Forever your sunshine,
Kel
Monday, March 22, 2010
My Little Man
He's Daddy's Best Buddy . . .
but My Little Man.
My Little Man was started as a dream in my heart to have something in our lives to look forward to, something to celebrate after losing our moms a year apart. As much joy as Peyt and Park brought to me, I needed something "more" . . . my soul needed a tidbit more sunshine.
And so, my little man became more than a dream in my heart. As my tummy grew, the pieces of my broken heart slowly found their way back together. I treasured every second of his pregnancy, knowing it would likely be my last.
4 years ago today, the dream in my heart became my reality. My sweet little man made his way into my world . . . and it has NEVER been the same! For all the messes he makes (and trust me, there are MANY) . . . for all the obnoxious, unbelievable things he says or does (and embarrassingly, there are MANY) there are a thousand more moments that melt my heart . . . that take my breath away . . . that make me grateful to my very core that he is My Little Man.
Although I didn't expect that Preston turning 4 would be difficult for me, it has. I feel like I'm moving into a new era . . . one that is leaving all the baby/toddler stuff behind. And honestly, I wasn't as ready for that as I thought I was. Tonight, as he wrapped his arms around me and said his famous "Mom, I wuv you SO much", I realized no matter how old he may be, he will always be My Little Man.
Happy 4th Birthday my sweet, precious little man! I love you SO much!
but My Little Man.
My Little Man was started as a dream in my heart to have something in our lives to look forward to, something to celebrate after losing our moms a year apart. As much joy as Peyt and Park brought to me, I needed something "more" . . . my soul needed a tidbit more sunshine.
And so, my little man became more than a dream in my heart. As my tummy grew, the pieces of my broken heart slowly found their way back together. I treasured every second of his pregnancy, knowing it would likely be my last.
4 years ago today, the dream in my heart became my reality. My sweet little man made his way into my world . . . and it has NEVER been the same! For all the messes he makes (and trust me, there are MANY) . . . for all the obnoxious, unbelievable things he says or does (and embarrassingly, there are MANY) there are a thousand more moments that melt my heart . . . that take my breath away . . . that make me grateful to my very core that he is My Little Man.
Although I didn't expect that Preston turning 4 would be difficult for me, it has. I feel like I'm moving into a new era . . . one that is leaving all the baby/toddler stuff behind. And honestly, I wasn't as ready for that as I thought I was. Tonight, as he wrapped his arms around me and said his famous "Mom, I wuv you SO much", I realized no matter how old he may be, he will always be My Little Man.
Happy 4th Birthday my sweet, precious little man! I love you SO much!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Dreamland
Tonight, I hear a place calling my name . . . Dreamland.
I LOVE my bed . . . I LOVE sleeping . . . have LOVED to sleep in since I was a kid. So blissfully happy that my mom's belief during my childhood about Saturday mornings and summer mornings was that a kid should get to sleep for as long as they need; that they'll wake up when their body is rested. Man, she sure was a smart woman. (LOVE ya, Mom)
Anyway, back to what I was saying . . . bed . . . sleep . . . dreamland is calling my name. And I happily, blissfully answer the call.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
My Own Little Cupid
Even though he came close to starting a fire in the microwave today(evidenced by the smoke he came running to tell me about), spilled a whole bottle of water in my bedroom floor, took a 2 hr nap about 6 pm so is still awake now at 11:30, and just spilled a glass of lemonade in the floor . . . I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this little guy . . . my very own little cupid. 
Monday, February 8, 2010
Fairytale Life
Cinderella at the ball . . . 
Beauty and the Beast . . .
Snow White . . .
One of the things I LOVE most in life is that fairytale, happilyy-ever-after ending.
Some people get their fairytale handed to them on a silver platter (or so it seems to the rest of us) while others (usually ourselves) are left on the sidelines waiting and wishing for our very own happy ending. What I've learned though is that anyone can have that fairytale ending . . . if they choose. So many of us (myself included at times) like to throw ourselves a pity party at the first speckle of adversity. What we need to realize is that we aren't like Cinderella or Beauty or Snow White . . . it's not necessary for us to wait around and hope our "prince" will come along. We have the means within ourselves to create our own fairytale. Rather than pumpkins and mice, a fairy godmother and a glass slipper, all we really need is a little hope and faith and a lot of LOVE.
I LOVE "my" Fairytale life . . .
complete with my very own Prince Charming . . .
and my own "3 little dwarfs" . . .
What are you waiting for? Go LOVE your fairytale today!
Beauty and the Beast . . .
Snow White . . .
One of the things I LOVE most in life is that fairytale, happilyy-ever-after ending.
Some people get their fairytale handed to them on a silver platter (or so it seems to the rest of us) while others (usually ourselves) are left on the sidelines waiting and wishing for our very own happy ending. What I've learned though is that anyone can have that fairytale ending . . . if they choose. So many of us (myself included at times) like to throw ourselves a pity party at the first speckle of adversity. What we need to realize is that we aren't like Cinderella or Beauty or Snow White . . . it's not necessary for us to wait around and hope our "prince" will come along. We have the means within ourselves to create our own fairytale. Rather than pumpkins and mice, a fairy godmother and a glass slipper, all we really need is a little hope and faith and a lot of LOVE.
I LOVE "my" Fairytale life . . .
complete with my very own Prince Charming . . .
and my own "3 little dwarfs" . . .
What are you waiting for? Go LOVE your fairytale today!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
'Tis the month of LOVE
Because this is the month of LOVE, (and maybe because I feel the need to have something to blog about consistently) I'm devoting a blog a day to something that I LOVE. Since this is day 7 of the LOVE month, I guess I better get busy!
In no particular order, here's the first installment of (7) things I LOVE:
1. Jerry's chili
For the entire time I've known him, he has been the "chili maker". If we're having chili, you can bet he'll be the one who's making it, not me, no way Jose . . . this girl knows when she's beat . . . when it's time to give. So I happily let him take over and just enjoy being the loser . . . the loser who gets to eat some really amazing chili!
2. Weekends
Getting to sleep past 5:30 a.m. . . . enough said.
No, really, I love knowing I get this sacred time with my family . . . to go and do, to chill at home, just whatever we want. Weekends help "settle the score" with our busy, crazy, chaotic, never-enough-time-together weekdays.
3. Caffiene
4 words-Coke, Mt. Dew, chocolate, & McDs Sweet Tea
4. Birthday parties
Cake, ice cream, fun, friends, celebrating the precious lives of those we LOVE . . . Birthday parties ROCK! (P.S. Kason, we had much fun at your party today!!)
5. Now that you mention it . . . Ice cream
My family and I seem to have developed an affinity for vanilla ice cream with Hershey's chocolate syrup lately. In fact , as I type this, I hear Jerry upstairs banging the spoons and bowls. It's quiet now . . . guess he's dipping it. Wanna take bets on whether he brings me some down or not?
6. My Chi hair iron
For years, my sister tried to convince me to buy one . . . For years, I thought she was nuts to spend $100 on a hair appliance. Eventually, I finished my degree, got a job that paid "real" money (well ya know a teacher salary kind of "real") and with my first paycheck, decided to reward myself with a Chi . . . For years now, I've loved every second of it . . . and believe me, my hair thanks me.
7. The miracles of modern medicine
No explanation needed. :)
Come back tomorrow to see more of what I LOVE . . . I can promise you, it's not Mondays.
Would LOVE to hear just what it is you LOVE . . . either in a comment or in your own blog!
*Toodles*
In no particular order, here's the first installment of (7) things I LOVE:
1. Jerry's chili
For the entire time I've known him, he has been the "chili maker". If we're having chili, you can bet he'll be the one who's making it, not me, no way Jose . . . this girl knows when she's beat . . . when it's time to give. So I happily let him take over and just enjoy being the loser . . . the loser who gets to eat some really amazing chili!
2. Weekends
Getting to sleep past 5:30 a.m. . . . enough said.
No, really, I love knowing I get this sacred time with my family . . . to go and do, to chill at home, just whatever we want. Weekends help "settle the score" with our busy, crazy, chaotic, never-enough-time-together weekdays.
3. Caffiene
4 words-Coke, Mt. Dew, chocolate, & McDs Sweet Tea
4. Birthday parties
Cake, ice cream, fun, friends, celebrating the precious lives of those we LOVE . . . Birthday parties ROCK! (P.S. Kason, we had much fun at your party today!!)
5. Now that you mention it . . . Ice cream
My family and I seem to have developed an affinity for vanilla ice cream with Hershey's chocolate syrup lately. In fact , as I type this, I hear Jerry upstairs banging the spoons and bowls. It's quiet now . . . guess he's dipping it. Wanna take bets on whether he brings me some down or not?
6. My Chi hair iron
For years, my sister tried to convince me to buy one . . . For years, I thought she was nuts to spend $100 on a hair appliance. Eventually, I finished my degree, got a job that paid "real" money (well ya know a teacher salary kind of "real") and with my first paycheck, decided to reward myself with a Chi . . . For years now, I've loved every second of it . . . and believe me, my hair thanks me.
7. The miracles of modern medicine
No explanation needed. :)
Come back tomorrow to see more of what I LOVE . . . I can promise you, it's not Mondays.
Would LOVE to hear just what it is you LOVE . . . either in a comment or in your own blog!
*Toodles*
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